Dilemma of marrying non-Muslims
By Anayat Bukhari
Islam forbids Muslims to marry non-Muslims; women or men.
“And do not marry polytheistic women until they believe. And a believing slave woman is better than a polytheist, even though she might please you. And do not marry polytheistic men [to your women] until they believe. And a believing slave is better than a polytheist, even though he might please you. Those invite [you] to the Fire, but Allah invites to Paradise and to forgiveness, by His permission. And He makes clear His verses to the people that perhaps they may remember.” Al-Baqarah 2:221
This verse is very clear on the issue of marrying non-Muslim men and women who are polytheist. A believing slave is preferred on marrying a free non-believing man or woman. Even he/she might please you are the words that reject the idea of choice due to likeness and love. The words “until they believe” has put the final seal on it.
Second part of the above related verse reveals the reason behind this injunction. According to this verse marrying to polytheist is just like accepting an invitation to enter in fire of Hell. How is it an invitation to fire? It is another topic and irrelevant here.
Fifth verse of Surah Maida speaks more on this issue:
“This day [all] good foods have been made lawful, and the food of those who were given the Scripture is lawful for you and your food is lawful for them. And [lawful in marriage are] chaste women from among the believers and chaste women from among those who were given the Scripture before you, when you have given them their due compensation, desiring chastity, not unlawful sexual intercourse or taking [secret] lovers. And whoever denies the faith - his work has become worthless, and he, in the Hereafter, will be among the losers.” Al-Maida 5:5
Five important points are discussed in this verse which are being explained in the following lines:
· Halal food from people of book (Jews and Christians) is lawful for Muslims.
· Marrying chaste believer women is lawful.
· Marrying chaste Jewish or Christian women is lawful.
· Conditions apply; first is the intention of marriage and not only pleasure. The second is the payment of compensation (Mahar) that is a condition in Nikah.
· Denying faith in any form ends with loss of all good deeds.
Obviously Muslim men can marry to Christian or Jewish lady but Muslim ladies can’t marry Jewish or Christian men. Apparently, it looks unjust and against the interests of Muslim women but in reality it is in their favour. That’s what Allah says in the following verse:
“…..But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not.” Al-Baqarah 2:216
What is the wisdom behind it?
There must be one or several reasons behind not allowing Muslim women to marry non-Muslims including Jewish and Christian men. Last part of the above mentioned verse says, “Allah Knows, while you know not”. Of course, He is The Creator and His Knowledge can’t be challenged by His creation.
Here we will discuss the top most reason behind this injunction.
Family:
Islam gives prime importance to institution of Family in mankind which is the best creation. In surah Tin Allah says:
“We have certainly created man in the best of stature;” Tin 95:4
When Allah created Adam (A.S), the second was his spouse – Eve (A.S).
“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.” Ar-Rum 30:21
Essential objectives of a family according to this verse are:
· Peace and tranquillity
· Affection
· Mercy
It is imperative to note that these feelings and attitudes are not one way rather are dual in nature; both for husband and wife. Both are responsible to keep the institution of marriage intact. Any negligence in this respect can lead to the breakup of this sacred institution which is the worst thing according to the following verse:
“And they followed [instead] what the devils had recited during the reign of Solomon. It was not Solomon who disbelieved, but the devils disbelieved, teaching people magic and that which was revealed to the two angels at Babylon, Harut and Marut. But the two angels do not teach anyone unless they say, "We are a trial, so do not disbelieve [by practicing magic]." And [yet] they learn from them that by which they cause separation between a man and his wife. But they do not harm anyone through it except by permission of Allah. And the people learn what harms them and does not benefit them. But the Children of Israel certainly knew that whoever purchased the magic would not have in the Hereafter any share. And wretched is that for which they sold themselves, if they only knew.”Al-Baqarah 2:102
Use of magic to cause separation between husband and wife was the worst thing that was displayed due to their utmost moral degradation.
Due to unlimited Knowledge of Creator of man and woman, He resolved the issue of the head of the family in accordance with the nature of mankind in the following verse:
“Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth…….” An-Nisa 4:34
It’s human nature that cannot be changed, whatever the era may be and how much a woman independent may be, at one stage she needs a man to assist her. Declaring the position of both husband and wife in the institution of family is to avoid any potential dispute regarding it which could result in breakdown of the family unit.
These references are enough to comprehend the value of family institution in Islam. Although there are many more references from Quran and Hadith about the importance of institution of family but we would like to go on the actual subject of this article – forbidding Muslim women to marry non-Muslim men.
1. Muslims can’t marry polytheists:
Faith is something dear to mankind. Mostly, they are very particular about it. Believing in One Allah and believing in many gods is opposite and quite contrary to each other. Living together of these two opposite poles as a husband and wife can last only for a short while. Their spiritual beliefs and activities can’t let them tolerate each other for a long time.
If they get children, each of them will try to persuade them and follow them which will be confusing for the kids. It might push them towards atheism.
This is a situation which can’t be liked by anyone who cares about human race.
2. Muslim men can marry women of scripture (Jewish & Christian):
This is allowed in special circumstances and helps in avoiding many social problems. Two of these are mentioned in verse 5:5 related above.
Muslims, Christians and Jews all believe in Allah. The difference comes in believing the prophets. A Muslim believes in all the prophets but the Christians and Jews do not believe in Muhammad PBUH. For a Muslim husband it is not an issue if his wife doesn’t talk wrong about Muhammad PBUH. Definitely, a Muslim husband will not say anything wrong about the prophet, his wife is believing in as he already believes in them.
Of course, Muslim husband will feel confident about the faith of his kids; that he will make them follow Islam. In this situation there is a possibility that the family will remain intact for long if not for the entire life. So the institution of family is safe and is not harmful for the continuation of human race.
3. Muslim women can’t marry men of scripture (Jewish and Christian):
A Muslim woman believes in Muhammad PBUH as a Prophet but her non-Muslim husband doesn’t. Due to natural dominance of husband he will obstruct his wife in practicing her beliefs.
It can be argued that the husband gave a free hand to his Muslim wife to practice her beliefs. However, we need to remember that marriage is not just husband and wife; as they might become father and mother of kids sooner or later. Now is the start of tug of war for pulling the kids towards husband’s or wife’s religion which will ruin the lives of kids. In this situation there is a greater chance of breakdown of the family unit which is harmful for the continuity of human race.
Conclusion:
Islamic law pertaining to marrying non-Muslims is not oppressive for the Muslim women. In fact, it defends the rights of women and children which are imperative for the healthy continuity of human race. It is real protection against fire as is mentioned in the verse 2:221, related in the start. The word “Fire” in this verse alludes not only to the fire of Hell but also to the fire of disputes caused by un-Islamic way of marriage.
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Allah Know the Best
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